A Thread In The Fabric of Becoming

More than ten years ago, I stepped onto a yoga mat, not knowing it would lead to something...

Initially, I just wanted to get my body moving, feeling the need to loosen up.

During a holiday, I encountered yoga's physical practice for the first time and fell in love with how my body moved and remembered. I didn't realise then that it was a reminder of the little girl who used to dance and do gymnastics. It felt like a dance, and I was comfortable moving my body this way, I remembered...

I knew nothing about yoga's philosophy, the physical and philosophical practice, or the connection between breath, mind, and spirit. I was far from understanding it all.

What I did feel was good, and at that time, it was enough.

Back in London after my holidays, I searched for a place to continue and found Bikram. I was dedicated to my practice, read a bit about it, and felt ambivalent, but the practice, community, studio, teacher, and people felt so good that I continued for quite some time, still remembering the connection I felt there. It was less about the practice but the connection with people, the teacher, and perhaps myself. I was not aware yet.

After recovering from knee surgery, I wanted a change but loved the feeling of sweating. I found a place called Hotpod Yoga, a Vinyasa practice in a heated environment, and was amazed. Not only by the practice itself but by the community as well, the teachers, it felt like I belonged.

Discovering a new practice in a new place was incredible. But it was still purely physical at that time. I am not ashamed to admit it, because everything you start for your reason and stay for THE reason. The more I practiced the asanas, the closer I became to understanding what Yoga is. I am still on this journey, to be honest, and for me today, Yoga is a choice, with yourself, with the world with people, the choice you made in your everyday life . I also began therapy around the same time, and the combination led me to depression, long story short. Surprisingly, it wasn't 'bad'—quite the opposite. I remember the exact day, moment, and sensation during a yoga class when I had a panic attack. I believe today it's because my body released something, and it was the first call. I can't recall the triggers, but I believe it was a mix of everything, and I listened to the signals for the first time. It was hard; I felt lonely and scared, but it was necessary.

I paused hot yoga for a while, tried other activities like the gym, strength training, and found no time for myself between work and life. Yet, yoga emerged differently. I began exploring beyond the physical and delved into the whole practice. The philosophy felt heavy, and I think I wasn't ready, still in therapy and somewhat in denial about many things that had happened to me.

As life progressed and I became a mom, I practiced yoga, integrated different practices, and learned more about the whole thing. While becoming a mom, a classic scenario, I reconsidered everything. I enrolled when my daughter was 9 months old, during COVID, in my 200-hour training here in London with HOTPOD YOGA. I had no expectations, just a desire to transform and delve into my practice. It was impactful, but I still wasn't sure about becoming a yoga teacher at this time.

What started as a physical practice evolved into a calling. After completing my 200-hour Vinyasa training and certification in Yoga Pregnancy, teen yoga, and anatomy, COVID prevented me from teaching in studios. 

I adapted by first teaching online, eventually moving to studios. Over time, I sought different connections and shifted to private sessions and corporate settings. It was a big rollercoaster as I navigated this new journey without knowing anything about becoming self-employed and all the behind-the-scenes work. I felt lonely, hated it, and was angry, thinking teachers or people starting a new path need to know they are not alone and need support. I considered creating a module for yoga training about all aspects of becoming self-employed, like a coaching program. But life goes on, things evolved again, resilience, speaking out, trying different things, making a lot of mistakes, being angrier, frustrated, wanting to give up. But here I am today.

Still a yoga teacher and a coach, and things became clearer and clearer. It took me almost 5 years to become confident with my voice as a yoga teacher and my own way of teaching. Some will say it's long, but for me, it's who I am. I need to explore, feel, observe, and I am proud of my journey.

My style changes depending on my mood and the emotions I bring. I cannot be otherwise. Some will say to leave your emotions and problems at the door, but it is impossible for me to leave who I am at the door and pretend everything is fine. If I am tired, I will express it with my flow, and what I express will align with my intention. I feel tired, so I practice slowing down, listening to my body, not demonstrating, taking more poses, and my students will make it their intention.

Today, I do not practice on my mat every day, but yoga is part of my life, the way I interact with people and the world, to myself, to my relationships, to the person I want to become. Maybe I will discover something different along the way, but today, this is my Yoga.

It is a practice that began with the physical, and thanks to that, I stayed for Yoga.